Things I would do differently Issue 1

I know I have posted about breast feeding before and my issue with the tenacity and ferocity with which the 'breast is best' message is shoved down one's throat. I just feel a lot stronger about it now because V won't take a bottle anymore. Going into breast feeding, I was fully aware that this could happen, I just didn't quite realise it could happen even after bub had happily taken a bottle for months. Now I must say, I really wish I hadn't breast fed past two months. Please don't hurt me for saying that. It's just, I would love to be able to spend over 4 hours away from my daughter every now and then, even just once a month. It's not that I don't love her and love spending time with her, it is just that I love a few other things too, like long runs, getting my grocery shopping done or visiting friends without stuffing up V's sleeping schedule. I keep wondering what on earth I would do if I were going back to work now. I have a few months to get things sorted out though and she should be on a cup so it isn't dire straights just yet.

What I have learnt now, is that up until 3 months, feeding is pretty much a reflex. Most baby's will drink from bottle or boob without much fuss. Around 3 months, they realise that there are options and they have some say in this choice, so some babies start refusing the bottle. I figure if I had stopped around 2 months, then bub would not have seen there being more than one option. Then I would still have a tiny bit of freedom. Then my boobs would not be keeping me hostage.

Our Gentle Giant

I have so many thoughts and feelings running through my head right now. I keep trying to reach out and capture one so I can write it down and think it out. Before I finish one thought though, another one takes hold and jerks my heart around.

One thought that keeps running through my head is something somebody said to me when I was pregnant - that once you have kids, the dog becomes 'just the dog'. In our case, this couldn't be further from the truth. Having Verity just solidified the place of our fur babies in our family, our lives and our home. This was especially the case with Kaiser.

Before I even knew I was pregnant, Kaiser started following me around the house. For a dog that had always been Chris' dog and stuck to him like glue, this was a little odd. After we found out I was pregnant, we came to realise that Kaiser had already assigned himself as personal protector to me and the little life growing inside me. Once Verity was born, Kaiser was absolutely besotted. He carefully kept guard at her bassinet, he checked out anybody who came for cuddles and he alerted us if she even looked like crying. Our gentle giant was here to look after our little girl.

We said good bye to our gentle giant today. He fought hard over the last month,  through various tests, two spinal surgeries and finally a bout of pneumonia. I got a call from the vet hospital, basically telling us it was time to make that decision. We went in to see our man and we knew what he was saying. He had no fight left in him. It wasn't fair to ask him to keep going for us when we didn't even know if he would walk again.

I am grateful that he came home for the weekend. I am grateful that he had lovely vet nurses looking after him whom he bonded really well with. I am grateful that we had six wonderful years with him. I am especially grateful for the last year - all the walks, his watchful eye as my belly grew bigger and that he got to see Verity come home, welcomed safely into this world. I am grateful that Kaiser was never 'just the dog'. He was a treasured member of our family, the protector of our kittens and our baby, best friend of Bailey, my favourite running buddy and our best mate.

Although we didn't get the result we wanted, I am still happy that we did everything we could to help Kaiser get better. We made a promise that as long as he was fighting, we would fight too. We gave this fight everything we had and it was worth it for the one final weekend at home, for the steps he was so proud of taking, for the little laughs he gave us along the way. He kept his dignity right until the end.

We buried Kaiser next to his best mate Bailey. It is nice to know they will be together forever. We will hold onto him in our hearts forever. He will never be 'just the dog'.

Bad Days

I try really hard to concentrate on the good days. I don't want to whinge about the state of things. I felt like I really had this whole motherhood thing under control, but now everything is spiralling. The worst part is, I thought today was going to be a good day.

I slept it a bit this morning as V slept in (on account of being very tired from not sleeping). I sent Chris out for his run and then V and I hung out with Kaiser for a while, who has finally come home from the vets. I decided to have a thorough read through his discharge notes and realised that I am meant to do his physio with him every 2 hours! This seems a little difficult to manage. Once I had V down for a nap, I did the physio, and then V was awake by the time I finished. Still, not a big deal.

I then went for a run. My longest run since I fell pregnant in fact. I think my pace was actually pretty good for me. The day was looking great. I envisaged getting home and sitting on the back deck with V and Kaiser and having a cup of tea. It was not to be.

When I got home V was in a bad mood. She had hardly slept. I managed to get her down for a nap eventually and we did more physio with Kaiser. I noticed Kaiser seemed very quiet, not really eating or drinking much and he started coughing, almost like he was going to vomit. Chris called the vet and they thought maybe he needed some antacids, so Chris had to go out to the chemist. It was about a 50minute round trip as all the local chemists were closed by this time. Just as he walked out the door, V woke up and it was the witching hour (or 2 hrs really). So I did everything I could to keep her entertained and not screaming. I also tried to keep the poodles quiet, who were barking quite a bit by now (I have to keep them separate from Kaiser, which they don't like).

I got V down for bed for the night by the time Chris got home. He gave Kaiser the antacids but after a further chat with the vet, decided that he better take Kaiser back to the vet (at Gatton) to get him checked out. So Chris left. It was now around 7:30. The poodles were still being extremely painful. So on my list of things I was going to do today due to Chris actually having a day off, all I achieved was run. I also got a headache, but that isn't on the list. I can't imagine ever being on top of things again. Right now, I am seriously cursing my mother for leaving me with her idiot poodles while she is off on a 3 month dream holiday. Tonight I want to hide under my doona and cry. I think I will at least try and load the dishwasher first, and fold some laundry.

Waiting to hear from Chris on what is wrong with Kaiser.

Red and Aqua

I must say, decorating V's nursery was the best part about being pregnant. It wasn't hard to be the best part, given that everything else was shit. I really did enjoy it though. I didn't want V to have a pink or purple nursery. I don't mind things to be 'girly' but the whole princess theme does my head in a bit. My favourite colour combination is red and aqua so I decided to go down that road. I only had a small space to work with too, as our larger spare rooms are quite far removed from the main bedroom, and I wanted V close to me. So here is the end result (the small space made it hard to photograph but you get the idea (and by "you" I mean my massive readership of course).

Along one of the longer walls I have the cot lengthways and the change table. I love this change table. It is a Boori one and has a chest of drawers underneath. The cot is also Boori and I was lucky enough to have that lent to me by a friend. On this wall I have an elephant decal that I got from The Wall Sticker Company. I am in love with this. It is the best quality of any wall decals that I have seen and they had a great selection of colours. My Aunt made me an amazing quilt for the cot which you can see below. I love this quilt. I looked everywhere for something like this and had no luck. Such a lovely gift. I also had an elephant mobile custom made in the red and aqua by the lovely ladies at French Martini Designs. You can see it is hanging above the change table. I think I need to lower it a little bit.

 One short wall is taken up almost entirely by a window, but I have brought it to life a bit with this gorgeous knitted bunting, also made by my Aunt. I love this bunting. I think it has a lot more character than regular bunting. I wish I had a white blind instead of the timber, but I didn't want to spend money replacing something that I already had so I just left it as it was.

The other long wall contains a double door, so there actually isn't terribly much space on that wall. I have a little cupboard and book case along here, both from Ikea. I tried to make this wall a bit more exciting by adding the lanterns, stuffed toys, framed photos of V's cousins and a few other little bits and pieces.

Finally there is the last short wall. I really love this wall. I got prints in red, aqua and grey of 'You are My Sunshine' lyrics (will check the store name for this) and then put them in some basic frames from Myer that I bought during their end of year sales. My mom took an old cane side table and spray painted it red that I have popped beside the cot as a little bedside table. I think it looks pretty rad.

 So that is it - V's room. She seems to really like it. If she didn't, I would have just moved in myself.

Stuff Your Judgement

I love cloth nappies. This view, after all the nappies are washed and put away, brings joy to my heart. Seriously.

That's my thing though, I don't care if other people do or don't use them. It is up to each parent what works for them. The reason I feel a need to post about this is because I often get two strange reactions when I mention that I use cloth.

1. Defensive
People start explaining to me why they don't use cloth. It makes me think that they feel judged. I get why they do too, because as a parent, you question everything you do and you are offered opinions disguised as advice from absolutely everyone. There is this video doing the rounds on social media at the moment, of this woman trying to get her twin toddlers to bed and they are making it awfully difficult for her. It has gone viral but along with a lot of laughs, this video has also caused the woman to get a lot of criticism for her parenting style. Seriously - the woman has twins for a start. I have enough trouble with one 4 month old baby, but twin two year olds - oh my. I haven't read the criticism as I know it will make my blood boil, but having watched the video, I think the woman deserves a gold star for being light hearted and seeing the funny side of it. Why are people so quick to judge? I am sure I have been guilty of this in the past too but I now try really hard to not judge if people do things differently to how I do.

So I like cloth. I like that it saves me money and it doesn't go into land fill. It works pretty well for me. Disposables work well for others. That's great. I can tell you now I would be a lot less keen on cloth if I lived in a cold climate or had twins or was a single parent or had a bub who didn't sleep or any number of other reasons that would make cloth difficult to manage.

2. Told 'that won't last'
This makes me so cranky. Maybe it won't last. Maybe I will go back to work and struggle with the washing. Why assume it won't though? Why be so horrible about it. I had a woman today, who has a 17 year old daughter, tell me that it won't work out and she knows as she is experienced. She told me all the reasons it didn't work for her 17 years ago. I explained that things are a bit different in cloth nappy land now, that it isn't all terry flats and pilchers with safety pins, but she just kept going on with all the reasons why it wouldn't work. "She will start sleeping through the night and wet through her nappy", "she will play outside in just her nappy and ruin it", yada yada yada. I'd just like to say that there was a time when cloth was the only option. You couldn't give up on it. So it is actually a possibility that I will manage to keep V in cloth until she is toilet trained. I know it isn't a certainty but I will be giving it a red hot go.